This is still what Urban Outfitters looks like.

This is a comic I drew when I was in school for fashion design, in about 2005. I think it's hilarious (of course because I am my own biggest fan, in humor) because I was trying to make a joke about trends at the time that I thought were silly. Aaaand they are STILL GOIN STRONG. Especially those slouchy boots...I mean, yeah it's more mall girls that wear them now, but yeah. I hate them. The boy would still be highly attractive to me but ONLY if he was wearing a Phil Collins tee shirt. Yeah, I totally just drew a boy I wanted to date. And also, I actually really want a bag that looks like that....I used to have a thrifty one but the fake gold lame flaked off...

I should work on some updated ones!

Jenny Lewis, Neko Case, Every woman on Subpop records...

I'm getting a little tired of this look. BORING! That's it.




Ok, no wait I will clarify. This really has nothing to do with their music, or talent. I'm sure this album is fine, and I LOVE! the ukulele. And these women are all I'm sure very talented, strong, amzing, fine women of good caliber who are of good childbearing quality who would all look very nice next to a man who is also just as boring as any of the Fleet Foxes, or Devendra Banhart, or even that crazy kid from Omaha we used to like sometimes...what was his name again? But come on people! You can't love Anthropologie THAT MUCH! Style icons should not look like the girl who makes you want Apple products (Feist) or Zooey Deschanel or whoever is the new posterchild for Etsy.com.

Style icons should be either be so haggard they make you a little nauseous or so put together and perfectly rich looking they make you want to rip up Bill Cunningham's section of the Times.

An example:

Dress for Less!

Here's another hot tip, ya'll!

Dress in the hottest trend of the season, the boyfriend jean! Comfy, stylish...really the best of both worlds! I totally thought these were called "the lesbian jean", but I was wrong!!

And why pay those outrageous designer prices, when I found a hot deal for the exact same style?

So can you tell which of these is the more expensive, "designer" pair?

Pair #1 is from my fave slavery retailer, Walmart. They are LEI brand and retail for $20.00.

Pair #2 however, are equal parts bullshit to me, because they are from retailer "What Goes Around Comes Around" and are $198.00. But they are just vintage Levi's 501s. WTF--I could probably find these within a week at a vintage shop within 5 miles of my house for the same cost as the LEIs.

Ok, I'm not totally against "designer vintage" or whatever, I definitely think there is a market for vintage goods that are very hard to find, and are able to be priced up due to popularity. I just think the people who pay these huge amounts for said goods are sort of chumps is all. There are certain items (dresses, boots, jackets) that I would pay a chunk of change for. But torn up LEVI's? Pendleton's? Too easy to find for much cheaper.

Also, Walmart. There are some brightly colored skinny jeans there, long thin tees, even this hoodie that I could definitely see in a department store for...FIVE DOLLARS. That's less than a Spicy Chicken Meal (biggie sized). I just think it isn't registering to people that it is totally socially acceptable to pay these prices at places like Forever 21 and chatter about the designer knockoff styles but then make fun of the rednecks that shop for the same thing at Walmart. Both companies have blood on their (children's sweatshop workers) hands.

wa WAAAAA

Juniors
Misses
Petites
Womens
Ladies
Girls
Young Miss



Men's
Big and Tall

Ants In My Pants

I have become obsessed with Fashion Bug. You know, that store in the suburbs that has inexpensive juniors and plus size clothing? I don't know why, maybe it's because there was one in my hometown and when I was little I really wanted to shop there because I thought the name was funny (IT STILL IS!) but we never did. Which I'm very grateful about, now. My mom liked to buy me my JNCO's at a department store, thank you. J/K. Ok, I wore them one year.

So Fashion Bug is pretty unattractive for the most part. They have some plain tops and stuff but there are some interesting things...

1) What are "Scooters"?



They have a whole category of these...they look like denim skirts, they have shorts underneath... but aren't those called "Skorts?" Is Fashion Bug really trying to coin a new term for that clothing item? I don't like that. Who do you think you are, Fashion Bug?

2) "Right Fit" Bottoms



Sarcastic quotation marks are added here. I don't really like when any clothing manufacturer tries to put out a pair of pants that fit perfectly, or "right fit", as Fashion Bug has gone with. This is first of all, logistically impossible because of the bazillions of ways women's bodies are shaped, and also just kind of seems arrogant, no? I really don't think these "L.A. Blues" brand jeans would fit anything on me right.

3) This action:



This is one of those things that designers do for low-end labels where the layering is actually just attached pieces of fabric made to look like two layered tops. This is probably one of my least favorite things EVER because I think that people absolutely would not choose to wear it, I think it's purchased because it's there, and on clearance, and easy. It's LAZY DESIGN and also lazy dressing. Fashion should be natural, and this is...not.

One of the positive things about Fashion Bug and stores like it, I will say, is that they do offer alternatives for girls who are plus size. I think it's ridiculous that anyone over a size 10 would have to shop at places like these and obviously not have the same sort of style options (LIKE ROXY!) that others might, but whatever. Interesting how men's sizes at department stores regularly go to at least XXL and 38 waist, hmm?

Oh Noes..

I love you, Make Magazine. LOVE you. But please do not put people in top hats on the cover, even if they are in vintagey steampunk outfits that are nerdy and sciencey. I've seen punks and nerds both try to wear these in real life and they just end up looking CREEPY!

Gah, and the tinted round glasses and weird facial hair is just the icing on the "I live with my mom and jerk off to anime" cake.

This Says It All...

Maybe SOMEONE we know has been spending a little too much time with the likes of True Religion and Ed Hardy, hmmm?? We can all learn a lesson here.

Also, what is this?

Woah, L.A. Take it down just a smidge. Is this the look we're trying to achieve right now? It looks very dangerous, not like something I would be messing with. No sir, you can just keep your rabid snarling creatures, chainmail studded bikinis and olde English/metal fonts and hang with your other peeps. Like Xena, the Warrior Princess.

WoW this is so hot!

Yay! Here's another hot new trend...just in time for summertime! I wonder why it isn't being covered in the major fashion media?? It's like Anna Wintour is just pretending this doesn't exist or something??





For serious though, why don't people take nerds who LARP more seriously as far as clothing goes? I guess there are places like Hot Topic and Spencer's Gifts where they can buy those t-shirts that say things like, "I can't hear you over the voices in my head" or "Keep staring, I might do a trick"...hahaha...there are about a million of those shirts. They're HILARIOUS! Anyways, there are certain kinds of geeks (the non-lazy ones) who are actually pretty awesome and intense about things, like these LARPing (Live Action Role Play, hello!) costumes. They get their hair did, and have crazy makeup, and create these outfits so they can go romp in public parks with swords and say "LIGHTNING BOLT! 5 HIT POINTS!" I guess that's why it may not be that commercially viable...they like to handcraft these nutty garments.

I mean, I've noticed that even if a certain segment of nerd is not super into things like LARPing, they can still very much be into fashion. It's just a type of style that no one ever talks about, because it goes against basically everything that happens to the "hipper" segment of the population. But sometimes it crosses over! Like what about those guys who totally think they are superheros and wear badass industrial boots? And I've been seeing a LOT of gamer-types wearing very snazzy fedoras lately. I'm not very into the trenchcoat thing, though. It gives me the heeby jeebies.

VULGARITY!

These women with these ankles! How dare they flaunt their goods like so much trash in the streets! I dare say this will get much worse, if not something is done about it!

OH WAIT! Boys can do it too? Ok, then.

yummyhairymanleg...