5 Things You Don't Know About Juggalos

1. What They Even Are

The term "Juggalo" was created by the band Insane Clown Posse during a show in which they were rap/singing about a “Juggla”. He called the audience a bunch of “jugglas” or “juggalos”, as they are now known. So they are basically a gang, made of fans of a band, who enjoyed being compared to circus clowns of some sort. They also somehow follow the band’s set of albums called….this fact alone makes the by far the creepiest kind of fans there are. Even more than death metal, or WoW geeks, or people who actually like acid jazz. You kind of have to see them to understand, but they are all about “family”, so they are usually in large groupings. They wear lots of gross nineties looking goth-wear (not the cool kind) like JNCOs, baggie bondage pants and XL t-shirts you would buy at Spencer’s Gifts. Actually, a lot of what they wear could probably be bought at Spencer’s Gifts. They are usually on, trying to get, or selling a lot of drugs and alcohol. A good amount of young Juggalos are homeless or trailer trash. They are usually also fans of the bands Twizted, Tech N9ne and lots of other gross nu-metal acts.

2. Juggalos Are Hella Aggro

Seriously this is just breeeeezed over most of the time. There are a few articles online that address this problem, but on the Wikipedia entry (obviously a biased one) it defends the lifestyle, saying that it has nothing to do with the violent acts surrounding the subculture. This is total bullshit, juggalos are extremely violent and dangerous, and even early on in the article it says the music is a form of catharsis to release “violent aggression”. They are obsessed with the fact that they are “family”, and they have to protect the band and their Juggalo family members. There’s a lot of discussion about “haters”. However, I think the music has less to do with this than the fact that they are usually poor, uneducated, drug addicted trailer trash.

3. Juggalos Do Not Like Gays and Womens Very Much.

In the Juggalo world, women are sort of like second-class citizens. They are called “Juggalettes”, and a lot of them get assaulted at shows and festivals. Sometimes if a woman is deemed too slutty or whatnot, they are called “Juggahoes”, which is EVEN WORSE. Sometimes Juggalos make fun of Juggalettes, because they are often overweight, ugly, and loud-mouthed. Apparently they have never heard of the pot calling the kettle black, hmm? Now, this would definitely get disputed if I ever got into an argument with a Juggalo, because apparently Juggalettes are “down-ass bitches”. I think that’s my point.

Also they hate gays, I know this because they say ‘”faggot” like every other word. FACT.

An Excerpt:

"Lol...you know i see the resemblence in juggalonews.com and insane/intimate clown posses carrier: They used to be great, on there game, and try hard. Now there all lazy and like to suck cock all day and have gay shit all over there shit its really fucking disgusting and WOW its bad. O well, icp and juggalonews.com will always suck dick they will not get better so mine as well get used to them."

Recently it’s come to light that ICP might actually be promoting a Christian message, and that it had been hidden behind violence during the early songs but now is becoming more prominent (kind of like how Munkey from Korn became born-again). This is kind of up in the air, they say they are "spiritual", like your uncle in AA, but the lyrics are totally insane and all over the place. There is a separate class of Juggalos, however, that really, truly don’t give a fuck if you are gay or an alien, as long as you are DOWN WITH THE CLOWN.

4. Juggalos Have A Special Diet.

Besides meth and huffing, Juggalos like to eat very specific things. Number one, of course, is the flavored soda Faygo. I think it has something to do with being from Detroit, and it also ends in the Juggalo’s favorite letter, O! Sometimes on websites they capitalize all of the Os! It’s super fun. Anyways I’ve heard they also like to eat only food that ends in O, like Cheetos, Spaghetti-Os, Burritos, Jell-O etc., etc. This isn’t verified, but I could believe it. Notice how it’s like the worst diet, ever.

5. Juggalos HATE Spelling and Grammer.

Have you ever visited http://www.juggalonews.com/? Or, go to youtube and find an ICP or twisted video and look at the comments. Just looking at these comments makes me want to send them to a Sylvan Learning Center ASAP.

Excerpts:

“its always col when you learn mre and more about ICP, remember, raise the hatchet do or die!! they are so true about just gettin there music across, they dont care if you buy there merch or not, they just want everyone to hear there message!!!!! ICP4L TRUE JUGGALO!!! "

“OK ive been reading a lot of des articles, n all ive been seeing is dis faggot ass bitch ahhadersadickinmymouth or ahha34 w/e his name is diss on the juggalos n ICp n everything they do, n hes saying hes been down for 15 yrs, if u r down wit da clowns 4 dat long DEN Y DA FUCK R U TALKING SHIT,n also dis is suppose to be a juggalo family, n all i hear is u saying to juggalos "hottopic ass juggalos" u shouldn't even b in dis family if u hate on everyone if u dont like da music anymore den stop listing to it, to me u r a juggahoe, a fake, n dats it, a real juggalo will be be down wit da clowns no matter how bad da music is or how good it is. dats all i got to say, so fuck da fuck off u fake ass motha fucka n to da family Whoop Whoop Juggalos 4 motha fucking life MMCL”

photos via Kelly O at The Stranger http://lineout.thestranger.com/lineout/archives/2009/05/18/im-just-a-juggalo

Stylists Are Aliens

Wow, you went away quickly.

I've never met someone associated with this business of "styling" "stylista" etc. etc. who wasn't skeezy. They are a strange breed...sort of like sped-up more "fashiony" versions of real estate agents/gay men (even the women) who won't shut up about meeting Justin Timberlake and love shiny things as much as my cat. They seriously make you want to be crunchy so you don't have to care about anything but forcing your white girl hair into dreads and where to get your next pair of Keen shoes. Yes, the shows about this business might be entertaining, and really, what kind of literally forced from the bowels of hell show won't I watch on Bravo nowadays?

Why, when you are a stylist, do you have to be a fucking sycophant? Like it is NOT EVEN ALLOWED to not like a celebrity, or a designer, or be a little dirty sometimes. Even punk rocker stylists are gross. They dress their clients in studded miniskirts and "rock 'n' roll" tongue sticking out shredded leather bullshit DAVE NAVARRO I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

I guess I'm talking about taste levels here and maybe not the whole industry. I mean, someone dresses Gwyneth Paltrow, right? But she also has great taste herself. She is totally into fashion and knows what looks good on her...so why do celebrities need stylists? They need someone to get them the best looks from the runways that would look the best on them for events and such. But...designers send outfits to celebrities at the drop of a hat when they ask for them. It just seems like an industry built on nothing. It's like if people were obsessed with the guy who buys groceries every Saturday for Lil Wayne. Would that be interesting to people? Maybe. Just maybe. Calllll me BRAVO!!!

p.s. I hate when they talk about "pulling garments". It just bugs me.

Seattle Fashion Week

Too Extraordinary for Blayne: Having Taste

This is a pretty sad affair. Besides the biggest celebrity draw being Blayne "tannest person in Seattle" Walsh, there is a tangible lack of talent and interest. And forgive me for bringing this concept to mention, but WHERE IS THE CLASS? This is like the most trashy fashion event since...well, whatever the last event was in Los Angeles. The biggest draw is the "urbanwear" day with a party sponsored by Red Bull where I'm sure a bunch of girls in halter tops who would normally be at Belltown Billiards or Trinity are going to hump some guys with gelled tips. I can already smell the Axe bodyspray!

There is a day of this so-called "fashion week" that is dedicated to independent fashion. I'm sure the designers involved in this have worked very hard and love to make clothing. But I always feel that with things like this, because of the lack of independent design we have in Seattle, it's like "first come, first served". For example--if I was to put on a fashion show right now, from scratch, and I needed a quota of designers...there would be so few submissions, that I would have to include sub-par designs which I would normally cut out due to my personal taste and the aesthetic of the show. There is absolutely no opportunity for edit with fashion in Seattle. It's like, if you're not a crafty person making jewelry or scarves in Pike Place, then you're "urban". Or, you could be urban if you are lazy and don't finish your garments neatly (ahem, Blayne). Or, you could be "independent" if you take thrift store clothes and reconstruct them because you haven't gotten formal fashion design training. Which, I mean, there is really nothing wrong with that and a lot of designers start off this way, but A LOT of people in general do it and it doesn't mean you have any real talent.

I just wish I felt like our fashion week represented the REAL style of people of Seattle. The people who have organized the new week have definitely taken a different angle than the old week--it was mainly put on by retailers downtown (Nordstrom, etc.) and was very boring. This week for sure has more of a street edge, and is trying to bring in a young crowd. But does a Seattle fashion week have to either be A) boring, or B) INYOURFACE CUTTING EDGE ?? I would love to see someone organize a Seattle fashion event that truly captures the spirit of style in this city--innovative, tasteful, eclectic, and industrious.

This is still what Urban Outfitters looks like.

This is a comic I drew when I was in school for fashion design, in about 2005. I think it's hilarious (of course because I am my own biggest fan, in humor) because I was trying to make a joke about trends at the time that I thought were silly. Aaaand they are STILL GOIN STRONG. Especially those slouchy boots...I mean, yeah it's more mall girls that wear them now, but yeah. I hate them. The boy would still be highly attractive to me but ONLY if he was wearing a Phil Collins tee shirt. Yeah, I totally just drew a boy I wanted to date. And also, I actually really want a bag that looks like that....I used to have a thrifty one but the fake gold lame flaked off...

I should work on some updated ones!

Jenny Lewis, Neko Case, Every woman on Subpop records...

I'm getting a little tired of this look. BORING! That's it.




Ok, no wait I will clarify. This really has nothing to do with their music, or talent. I'm sure this album is fine, and I LOVE! the ukulele. And these women are all I'm sure very talented, strong, amzing, fine women of good caliber who are of good childbearing quality who would all look very nice next to a man who is also just as boring as any of the Fleet Foxes, or Devendra Banhart, or even that crazy kid from Omaha we used to like sometimes...what was his name again? But come on people! You can't love Anthropologie THAT MUCH! Style icons should not look like the girl who makes you want Apple products (Feist) or Zooey Deschanel or whoever is the new posterchild for Etsy.com.

Style icons should be either be so haggard they make you a little nauseous or so put together and perfectly rich looking they make you want to rip up Bill Cunningham's section of the Times.

An example:

Dress for Less!

Here's another hot tip, ya'll!

Dress in the hottest trend of the season, the boyfriend jean! Comfy, stylish...really the best of both worlds! I totally thought these were called "the lesbian jean", but I was wrong!!

And why pay those outrageous designer prices, when I found a hot deal for the exact same style?

So can you tell which of these is the more expensive, "designer" pair?

Pair #1 is from my fave slavery retailer, Walmart. They are LEI brand and retail for $20.00.

Pair #2 however, are equal parts bullshit to me, because they are from retailer "What Goes Around Comes Around" and are $198.00. But they are just vintage Levi's 501s. WTF--I could probably find these within a week at a vintage shop within 5 miles of my house for the same cost as the LEIs.

Ok, I'm not totally against "designer vintage" or whatever, I definitely think there is a market for vintage goods that are very hard to find, and are able to be priced up due to popularity. I just think the people who pay these huge amounts for said goods are sort of chumps is all. There are certain items (dresses, boots, jackets) that I would pay a chunk of change for. But torn up LEVI's? Pendleton's? Too easy to find for much cheaper.

Also, Walmart. There are some brightly colored skinny jeans there, long thin tees, even this hoodie that I could definitely see in a department store for...FIVE DOLLARS. That's less than a Spicy Chicken Meal (biggie sized). I just think it isn't registering to people that it is totally socially acceptable to pay these prices at places like Forever 21 and chatter about the designer knockoff styles but then make fun of the rednecks that shop for the same thing at Walmart. Both companies have blood on their (children's sweatshop workers) hands.

wa WAAAAA

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